Are Your Work Ethics Ruining Your Life?

You wouldn’t use a wrench to mow a lawn, or play rugby with the rules of football, but plenty of us insist on playing the game of life with the laws of work. The trouble is that the work mind can’t produce an extraordinary life, which is a realm of input, not output.

Using the production and speed-burning skills of the office for a realm that has no need for them is like trying to play hopscotch with a flow chart. As Alan Watts was fond of pointing out, the point of a concert isn’t getting it done ASAP. It’s about the unfolding melody. The point of a vacation isn’t how many things you see or polish off but in your full participation in the experiences along the way. Many people are disappointed at the end of a holiday that they didn’t see or do everything on the list. The work mind wants you to quantify your life, when it’s the quality of living time that counts.

There’s nothing wrong with being productive, and I’m a big fan of it — at work. I conduct workshops on how to improve work effectiveness. But the rules we play by at work are largely designed for external bottom lines, not the internal ones that determine gratification beyond the office. Trying to “produce” our way to life satisfaction leaves us unhappy, though we don’t know exactly why. The problem is we’re using the wrong metrics and skills to live. It takes a different skill-set than the job defaults to make your world off-the-clock come alive. I call it “life intelligence,” an acumen opposite from the work rules and a realm I detail in my new book on the power of engaged experiences, “Don’t Miss Your Life.“

Like Daniel Goleman’s emotional and social intelligence, this collection of sensibilities and traits comes out of research that’s pointing the way to a more skillful life. Life intelligence harnesses skills that are mortal sins for the work and performance mindset, such as unconditional engagement (not looking for a payoff); relying on your internal locus of control instead of the crowd; seeking out the unfamiliar instead of comfort; surrendering control instead of micromanaging; self-determining instead of spectating; and indulging in a behavior supposed to be worthless — playfulness.

Why do so many of us do life like our jobs?

The belief that every action must have some external payoff is drummed into us by performance-based identities and work habits like time urgency, a false emergency that makes you believe you have to fill every waking moment with productive endeavor or it’s apocalypse now. That pushes aside most off-hours activities because they don’t rise to the level of utilitarian value associated with output. Fun has no quantifiable dividend, but it has some pretty good unquantifiable ones — joy, elation, satisfaction, flow, fulfillment.

The things that make you efficient and in control at work operate against you on the life side. Having everything figured out, never straying too far from routine, an aversion to risk and spontaneity — it all stifles the full expression of life. The most optimal moments come from surrendering to your experience (a crucial feature of optimal experiences, or “flow”), stepping into the brand new, and not holding back.

A study of choral singers done by Cal State Irvine illustrates just how powerful putting it all out there can be. When the singers in the Pacific Chorale did rehearsals, researchers Robert Beck and Thomas Cesario found that a protein essential to fighting disease, immunoglobulin A, increased 150%. So the act of singing itself had a powerful effect on well-being. But it gets better: The protein soared 240% during live performances. Benefits rise in direct proportion to how much passion you put into the singing. Hum along in self-consciousness or boredom and you don’t get the benefit the comes when you let it fly. This is such a great metaphor for the role passion plays in unleashing an extraordinary life.

Do your work ethics help or hinder your personal life?

Byproducts of the 24/7 workplace such as time urgency and nonexistent attention spans undercut the key building blocks of a fulfilled life — time and focus. Hurry-worry mode gets you nowhere fast in your free time. You’re either stampeded into the mental block of being “too busy” to break stride to indulge in your life, or you don’t have the patience to let your best times and skills develop. Friendships and passions are not drive-thru affairs. You have to be willing to linger, hang out and practice pursuits for no discernible outcome other than the act itself. The life intelligence skill that overcomes time urgency and bottom-line mentality is the pursuit of competence, a drive for internal mastery, learning — not to show anyone else — that allows you to build enough facility to turn activities into passions and optimal experiences.

Researchers point to effort as one of the critical ingredients in creating satisfying experiences and happiness. That bucks the conventional belief that the supreme ingredient in off-hours enjoyment is a giant flat screen TV or a plush recliner. We don’t associate effort with our free time, only with our work. It doesn’t appear that there’s anything in particular we need to do to make our lives happen, so we wait and wait. But life is a self-determined affair that requires proaction and skills.

Studies show the key components that drive effort are initiating and sustaining activities, which are both key life intelligence skills. In real estate, it’s location, location, location. In optimal living, it’s initiation, initiation, initiation. Initiating is a self-starter skill that propels you beyond the comfort zone to the experiences and friendships that will make up your life highlight reel. You’re the entertainment director. If you don’t direct the show, somebody else will, and that’s not going to cut it with your core psychological needs.

After a long period of inactivity and seeing her weight and health problems balloon, Linda Imle, a Fairbanks computer technician and grandmother, initiated. She got on a bike and started riding. Soon her bottles of pills weren’t needed anymore. She wound up pedaling the entirety of Route 66 on her 66th birthday!  “Cycling is a coming together of mind, body and spirit,” she told me. “It’s one of the highest of all highs.”

Getting permission from the performance identity of the work mind to slip into some life is hard enough for an evening. An ongoing commitment to an interest that could become a passion requires a full-on challenge to the productivity police. The production ID will tell you there’s no time, and what’s the big deal of walking away from something that’s trivial anyway? It’s easy to become a life dropout, unless you can counter the results obsession with the staying power of intrinsic motivation and the knowledge that this is not substandard time but, in fact, the time of your life, the experiences you need to satisfy your core needs.

So let’s make a New Year’s resolution to leave the production ID at work, and activate the skill-set of life intelligence, which puts us smack in the key of our best lives, as passionate as we want to be.

The “S” Word eBook: Changing the way you think about stress and work/life balance could change your life.

 

Joe Robinson is author of the new book, “Don’t Miss Your Life,” on the science, skills and spirit of full-tilt living. He is founder of Work to Live, and is a work-life balance and stress management trainer and coach.

How To Break Your Bad Food Habits…

Do You Eat Too Much? Break This And Other Bad Food Habits.  Healthy food choices and you. Start making the right decisions when you fuel your body. By Nancy Gottesman & Susie Mitchell

Nutritionists would call a three-martini meal a no-no. For many of us in the corporate world, it’s the highlight of our week. Lots of so-called food faux pas — eating until you’re good and stuffed, skipping breakfast to save time — are things we need to do once in a while to survive. Sure, unhealthy eating habits can cause everything from weight gain to sluggishness, as Charla K. Schultz, R.D., a dietitian at the Women’s Health Clinic at the Mayo Clinic, helpfully points out. The good news is that with minimal effort, you can make up for most not-so-good food decisions. Put these damage-control strategies to work and start gaining healthy food habits.

Bad food habit – You miss breakfast.

The thought of food at the crack of dawn makes you queasy. But your brain (which runs on glucose) and body need a little something in the morning.

How to Make it Better!

Fine, don’t eat breakfast. But do drink a few nutrients first thing in the morning to fuel your mind, boost your energy, and stoke your fat-burning fires (remember, research shows that people who skip breakfast are more likely to be overweight). If all you can bring yourself to consume is a cup of coffee, make it a soy latte. One serving of low-fat soy milk has 30 percent of the Daily Value for bone-building calcium and vitamin D, and the 6.6 grams of protein will keep you full until lunch. Even better, down a glass of Silk Plus Fiber soy milk (5 grams of fiber per serving) at home. Breakfast is when most Americans get their fiber, so abstainers like you tend to miss out. Or go for a fortified yogurt shake such as 260-calorie Nouriche Super Smoothie, which contains 10 grams of protein, 5 grams of fiber, and 300 milligrams of calcium.

Change your habits today. Start with our eBook “The S Word”.

Bad food habit – You pack it in till it hurts.

That whole “enjoy just one bite” advice makes you roll your eyes as you dig into your third piece of a coworker’s birthday cake. Occasional gluttony has its place, but if you eat too much all the time it can cause indigestion, acid reflux, and bloating, says dietitian Amy Campbell, R.D., education program manager at the Joslin Diabetes Center in Boston.

How to Make it Better!

Stuff yourself with foods that contain fewer calories per bite. These tend to have a higher water and fiber content, so they fill you up quicker, Campbell says. Go ahead and pile it on: broth-based soups, vegetable salads (carrots, cucumbers, celery, lettuce, jicama, tomatoes, green beans), gazpacho, fat-free or low-fat yogurt or cottage cheese, apples and pears, whole-grain cereals with low-fat milk, and lean grilled meats and seafood (such as chicken, shrimp, turkey burgers). Avoid heavy foods like pasta, chips, and dense breads and cakes.

Bad food habit – You drink dinner.

It’s the perfect way to celebrate the fact that it’s Friday. But depending on your poison, you could end up sucking down a flood of empty calories.

How to Make it Better!

If you know tonight’s a party night, cut back during the day: Choose a low-cal yet filling lunch like soup or salad. Then, before you find that barstool with your name on it, Schultz recommends eating a small, fiber-rich snack — a piece of fruit, half of a Thomas’ 100% Whole Wheat Mini Bagel, half a cup of hot oatmeal — with a bit of protein, like string cheese or a handful of almonds. That will slow the absorption of alcohol, so you won’t be feeling fine so fast that you order round two and a mountain of nachos before the bartender brings your change. The best choices include heart-healthy wine (125 calories per 5-ounce serving, red or white), light beer (103 calories per 12-ounce serving), sake (39 calories per ounce), and rum or whiskey with diet cola (100 calories per 1.5-ounce serving). “Then, after one alcoholic drink, order something nonalcoholic,” Schultz advises. Keep the “one for me, one for them” thing going and you’ll cut your calories in half.

Bad food habit – You’re never not eating.

For you, chewing is like breathing. And since you probably lose track of how much and what you’ve eaten, all that endless crunching and munching can add up.

How to Make it Better!

Your problem is more about fidgeting than eating. So try drinking tea or carbonated water as a calorie-free way to keep your hands and piehole occupied between mealtimes. When liquid won’t do, go for healthy snacks that require some work to get at — pistachios, pumpkin seeds, and sunflower seeds still in their shells take time to open. You’ll spend more minutes cracking and cleaning up than actually eating, says Cynthia Sass, R.D., national media spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association. Stockpile other no-pudge goodies that you can eat in tiny individual pieces. We like low-fat popcorn or dried wasabi-crusted peas such as Pacific Rim Hapi Hot Wasabi Peas.

Bad food habit – Your car is your dining room.

With a schedule tighter than Fergie’s halter top, time behind the wheel may be the only chance you get to eat. Problem is, you can inhale an entire day’s worth of calories, fat, and sugar in one Subway run.  (You knew the buns were loaded with sugar didn’t you? Just because Subway is “fresh” – doesn’t mean that it is healthy).

How to Make it Better!

Fill your glove compartment with prepackaged snacks that will make you feel full fast. Nuts are clutch because their healthy fats/protein combination satisfies you with just a handful. Stock up on 1-ounce single-serving bags. Energy bars also make great portable meals for ravenous road warriors. Treat yourself to a Kellogg’s Cereal Bar or dried fruit snack bags. If you must stop for food, pull into the nearest grocery store. Most now have prepared-food sections that offer salads, soups, and other good-for-you options. “It’s so much healthier than typical road fare,” Sass says.

As with all diet plans and exercises to lose weight, it is your behaviour which is the root cause of your bad habits.  Change your habits before your diet.  Of course it’s hard – but how much do you want to change?  Are you trying to lose weight or eat healthier, but your habits are still the same?  Remember what that famous dietician Albert Einstein(!) said,

“The definition of insanity, is doing the same things over and over, but expecting different results”!

Change your habits today. Start with our eBook “The S Word”.

Is Your Boss Supporting You?

We just discovered a survey that said more than half of workers who suffer from stress cite lack of support or employee engagement as a main factor behind their problems.

Research from the Mental Health Foundation found that 60 per cent of those who identified work as the source of their stress said that support was not forthcoming from bosses.

A further 20 per cent claimed that they had become stressed because they felt their work was going unnoticed by employers.

The study also highlighted issues over staff retention, with 16 per cent of employees fearing that they would lose their jobs.

Chief executive of the Mental Health Foundation Dr Andrew McCulloch believes that many people living with stress choose to ignore it instead of acting to solve their problems.

“The economic costs of unmanaged stress are huge and increasing – 11 million lost working days a year at the last count”

Statistics compiled by Bupa suggested that stress remains the most common cause of workers taking sick days, with one in six people claiming that their jobs were stressful.  What do you think?  Have a look at our book The S Word if you need anymore help or inspiration.  It’s a tough world out there whether you have a supportive boss or not so you need all the advice you can get your paws on!

Next to being stressed, the worst thing in the world is worrying about being stressed! Stress is all around us, every day, and we have all devised a variety of ways — some effective, some less so — for dealing with it. Some of us exercise, while others listen to music. Some people like to take time out for a hobby , or to play with their children. People find countless ways to cope with the burden of stress.

What most people don’t realize, however, is how pervasive stress really is in our lives. Stress doesn’t simply come from a looming project’s deadline at work, or from the in-laws coming to visit. It isn’t just having to deal with an unexpected loss, or having to deal with all the details of planning a trip. Stress can come from the positive things that happen in our lives, too.

Stress Is All Around Us

For example, a lot of people go through events in their lives that are happy, joyous times. Buying a new car or home, or getting married, or even just going out on a first date, are all things that most people look forward to. But just because we look forward to something doesn’t mean it isn’t stressful, and therefore, potentially fraught with unexpected difficulties. We can recognize the stress that comes from having to work under pressure or a deadline, or deal with an angry boss or coworker. But we’re slower to recognize — if we do so at all — the stress associated with these other kinds of events.

Coworkers, friends, and significant others have to deal with all the things that we do as well. We sometimes forget that nearly everyone has to deal with some sort of stressful event nearly every day. “You think you’ve had a bad day? Wait ’til you hear about mine!” But outdoing one another with tales of woe generally isn’t helpful.

Identifying the Stress

Knowing that stress is all around us is an important insight. It helps us to understand that it comes in the form of both positive and negative events that occur in our lives, and that nearly everyone we interact with during the day is dealing with some level of stress as well. Why does it help? Because once we’re aware of all of the various forms stress can take, we are better prepared to recognize it when it rears its ugly head.

Once you’ve identified the positive or negative events that are causing you to feel stress, you can work on reducing those feelings. If you can’t identify them or you misidentify them, you may end up unintentionally blaming others for your stressed-out feelings, or remove things in your life that you thought were causing you stress, but were actually not. Sometimes it helps to write things down — the event or issue that is causing you stress, how it makes you feel, how long it has been occurring, and some possible solutions to feeling less overwhelmed by it.

Helping Undo the Effects of Stress

Dealing with stress, no matter what its cause, is pretty much the same. One-time events, like buying a new home or car, or getting married, are usually resolved with the passage of the event. Other positive events, like welcoming a new baby into your home, are longer-term stressors that require a longer-term outlook and solution. If possible, childcare should be equally divided between the two parents, for instance. That reduces the load that any single parent has to handle on his or her own.

Any type of activity that you do to help relieve the stress around negative things can also be put to use for positive things. Exercising, talking with a friend, writing things down in a journal, or engaging in a favorite hob by are all great ways of dealing with stress, no matter its source.

Remember that stress is something everyone deals with in life. It is how we deal with it, though, that determines how much energy we devote to feeling stressed out or bad. The worse we feel because of the stress, the less energy and emotion we have to devote to the things in our lives that really matter. Finding ways to reduce the level of stress in your life will open up reserves of energy and determination you may not know you had!

Are You Too Tense? (14 Tips To Help You Cope With Stress)

Too tense? You may be experiencing a chronic level of physical and emotional tension. Those who take time to relax and release inner tension do much better physically and emotionally than those who fail to engage in such behavior. People who can master their stress have a higher quality of life than those who do not or will not “let go.”

If you are tense, you probably engage in a behavioral style that is not conducive to effective stress management. If you can find more time to relax, you will counteract the negative effect of stress. Learn how to relax your body and emotions by focusing your attention on more peaceful thoughts.

Being tense and finding little or no time to relax is an important stress indicator. The value you place on taking time for yourself determines whether you are a relaxed person in a tense world — the sign of a person who has mastered their own stress.

Tense people often feel incredible levels of guilt about taking it easy and being good to themselves. Prolonged tension can cause muscle aches, pain, and fatigue. Back and headache pain are the most common physical symptoms of too much stress and tension.

Other symptoms include the following:

 

• Pain and disease
• Poor decision making
• Reduced physical energy
• Increased errors
• Burnout
• Lower quality of work
• Difficulty concentrating
• Tendency to avoid others

 

Tense people rarely take lunch breaks, read books, or take a walk.

14 Tips to Help You Cope with Being Tense;

 

1. Take time for you!
2. Ask yourself: “Am I giving too much to others and not enough for myself? Do I need to take time to pamper myself?” If the answers are “yes,” refuse to feel guilty about it and do it!
3. If you feel guilty when you do something enjoyable for yourself, chances are you will stop doing it. Ultimately, you lose. You may be living your life through other people’s standards and expectations. Take control of your guilt-producing thoughts. Focus on the benefits to you and your family that will occur when you are a more relaxed and energized person.
4. Go to lunch and don’t rush
5. Take a long lunch break at least three times a week. Don’t do business during lunch. Read a novel over a cup of tea. Go to a museum. Sit quietly by a stream. Eat slowly. Try a new restaurant. Go out with a good friend and agree not to discuss problems or business.
6. Walk every day
7. Walk by yourself or with a friend. Talk about possibilities, not problems.
8. Exercise more
9. Join an aerobics class, go to the gym, play tennis, ride a bike, hike on weekends, go to a fitness resort, or jog with friends. Exercise will do more to reduce stress hormones and chemicals in our body than any other activity.
10. Learn deep relaxation skills
11. Take a class in yoga, imagery training, progressive relaxation, or autogenics. Practice your relaxation skills every day.
12. Listen to relaxation tapes
13. Audiotapes are an excellent way to learn how to let go and relax. Develop the skill of deep relaxation that will cleanse your body of damaging stress hormones and chemicals.
14. Listen to relaxing music

Any type of music you find enjoyable can help you to let go and relax. New Age music and some classical music are particularly helpful for reducing stress.

By Michael Ashworth, Ph.D.

 

Tips For Coping With Stress At Work

Jobs and careers are an important part of our lives. Along with providing a source of income, they help us fulfill our personal aims, build social networks, and serve our professions or communities. They are also a major source of emotional stress.

Stress at work

Even “dream jobs” have stressful deadlines, performance expectations, and other responsibilities. For some, stress is the motivator that ensures things get done. However, workplace stress can easily overwhelm your life. You may continually worry about a particular project, feel unfairly treated by a supervisor or co-workers, or knowingly accept more than you can handle in hopes of earning a promotion. Putting your job ahead of everything else can also affect your personal relationships, compounding the work-related pressures.

Layoffs, restructuring, or management changes can heighten anxiety about your job security. In fact, a Norwegian study showed that the mere rumor of a factory’s closure caused rapid increases in workers’ pulse and blood pressure. Research in the U.S. has found that workplace injuries and accidents tend to increase in organizations that are being downsized.

The body reacts to stress

Along with its emotional toll, prolonged job-related stress can drastically affect your physical health. Constant preoccupation with job responsibilities often leads to erratic eating habits and not enough exercise, resulting in weight problems, high blood pressure, and elevated cholesterol levels.

Common job stressors such as perceived low rewards, a hostile work environment, and long hours can also accelerate the onset of heart disease, including the likelihood of heart attacks.
This is particularly true for blue-collar and manual workers. Studies suggest that because these employees tend to have little control over their work environments, they are more likely to develop cardiovascular disease than those in traditional “white collar” jobs.

Your age is also a factor. A University of Utah study found that as stressed workers get older, their blood pressure increases above normal levels. Interestingly, many of the study’s over-60 workers reported that they did not feel upset or unduly pressured by their jobs, even though their blood pressure levels were significantly
higher.

Job stress also frequently causes burnout, a condition marked by emotional exhaustion and negative or cynical attitudes toward others and yourself.

Burnout can lead to depression, which, in turn, has been linked to a variety of other health concerns such as heart disease and stroke, obesity and eating disorders, diabetes, and some forms of cancer. Chronic depression also reduces your immunity to other types of illnesses, and can even contribute to premature death.

What you can do to combat job stress?

Fortunately, there are many ways to help manage job-related stress. Some programs blend relaxation techniques with nutrition and exercise. Others focus on specific issues such as time management, assertiveness training, and improving social skills.

A qualified psychologist or other mental health professional can help you pinpoint the causes of your stress, and develop appropriate coping strategies.

Here are some other tips for dealing with stress on the job:

• Make the most of workday breaks.
• Even 10 minutes of “personal time” will refresh your mental outlook. Take a brief walk, chat with a co-worker about a non-job topic, or simply sit quietly with your eyes closed and breathe.
• If you feel angry, walk away.Mentally regroup by counting to 10, then look at the situation again. Walking and other physical activities will also help you work off steam.
• Set reasonable standards for yourself and others. Don’t expect perfection.
• Talk to your employer about your job description. Your responsibilities and performance criteria may not accurately reflect what you are doing.
• Working together to make needed changes will not only benefit your emotional and physical health, but also improve the organization’s overall productivity.

The “S” Word (And why you shouldn’t talk about it…)

“Stress in life comes from making things more important than they really are.Failure comes from making things less important than they are”. Tony Robbins

It’s amazing what happens when you stop using the “S” word in your life and start to look at pro-active ways to improve your life.  After all, isn’t it true that we only complain about the things that we can’t actually do anything about?  We don’t like to complain about the things we can change, because that usually means that we’ve put ourselves into a place where we need to take action!  What are we talking about?  We’re talking about STRESS!  The main cause of unhappiness at work and alongside ‘money’, the main reason why so many relationships fail.  In fact, stress is often money related so it’s fair to say that stress is one of the most disruptive and negative forces that exist in our busy lives.

There is a famous speaker and author called Joyce Mayer who’s talked and written a lot about stress.  Listening to her recently she made the very valid point that many people pray for help in stressful circumstances, and it’s quite possible God is up there banging his head against a wall!  He knows he doesn’t need to answer a prayer that you are fully capable of ‘answering’ yourself.  Why worry about the argument with your friend that you are losing sleep over when you just need to pick up the phone and say “Sorry”?  It’s the same at work – we loose sleep over someone else getting a raise when we don’t, but working a little bit harder and smarter with the right people will give you all the opportunities you could ever wish for.

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once”. Jennifer Yane”

Using stress as part of our daily language is part of the problem.  How much more uplifted and peaceful would we feel if we only ever used positive words and language.  Next to “stress” maybe we should remove “can’t” from our vocabularies as well?

Mother Teresa never attended an anti-war rally.

This fascinated me because of all the people who you’d think would put their name to such a noble cause it would be her, then I read why she refused to go.  She never wanted to engage in any negative actions.  She knew that letting negativity into her thoughts, mind and soul would affect the rest of her.  She understood that all too often, “thoughts really do become things”.  But when asked if she’d attend a pro-peace rally, she asked where she needed to sign her name.  Positive affirmations only!  It’s a wonderful story and one we’d do well to apply in our own lives.  Especially if we feel like we are suffering from the “S” word ourselves…

Try this for one day and see what happens!

As an exercise, refuse to use the word “stress” or “can’t” and watch how different your conversations and thoughts are.  It will be hard at first but just see what happens when you ONLY use positive and affirming words.  The “S” word really is more than just a word, so don’t treat it like one!